Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
