At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
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I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
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So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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