I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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