just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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