My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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