Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
