Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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