I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
