the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
organizing the empties. That sober.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
