We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Who died my cat blue again?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
