Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
