the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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