your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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