how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
