So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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