Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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