You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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