trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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