i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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