well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Damn victory sex feels great
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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