i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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