If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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