Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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