Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
