She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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