I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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