You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
