My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
