The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
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The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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