Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
