My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
