i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Vodka?
Forever.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
