Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
