If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
