I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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