i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
