my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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