literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
