youre lurking in front of me
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize