My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
