his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
