So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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