yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
