At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.