When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
