I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
