looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
