I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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