420 ftw
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
