Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
