I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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