We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
