i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
