Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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