I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
