So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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