my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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