the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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