there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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