Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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